So This Is It
by Michelle Loves Chocolate 99
Summary: So this is it. I'm finally back, it's all I ever dreamed and ever wanted, but I find myself hesitating on pulling this handle to open the car door. My hand rests on it sweaty and damp. Half of of me wants to throw that door open and run the other half just wants to sit there forever. Is this too good to be true? I've waited so long for this moment and now I don't think I can do it.
1. Boys Home

_**Hey guys! **_

_**So this idea just popped in my head this morning. I've always wanted to write one of these kinds of stories and it seems like a lot of people have written one too, so I was like what the heck. I'll try to keep this as realistic as possible but research can only get me so far. I know this isn't completely accurate, plus the stuff I did find for this story is for present time and not the 60's. Also, I may or may not continue depending on your guy's thoughts. If I do, this whole story will last until Pony catches up to where he's seventeen. Also lastly, Pony is fourteen for the majority of this chapter and it takes place two months after the Outsiders. I hope you enjoy!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders, but desperately wish I did! :)**_

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_**So This Is It**_

**Chapter One**

So this is it. I'm finally back, it's all I ever dreamed and ever wanted, but I find myself hesitating on pulling this handle to open the car door. My hand rests on it, sweaty and damp. Half of of me wants to throw that door open and run, the other half just wants to sit there forever. Is this too good to be true? I've waited so long for this moment and now I don't think I can do it.

"You ready?" the woman in the driver's seat in front of me says and I'm not sure what to answer because I really don't know. I see Darry open the front door, taking a step onto the porch. This really is real, and it scares me. All I could think about was what got me here where I am today. I just turned seventeen a few weeks ago and been stuck in custody of the state for the past three years. I've missed out on a lot during that period, and as much as I want to catch up on that, I don't.

I don't want to hear about how they all moved on without me. I couldn't move on but they probably did, after all, they are stronger than I am. I just couldn't help but miss them everyday, think about them everyday. You know it's not good when you find yourself even missing Steve Randle, or getting jumped by Socs. It's quite horrible if you ask me because I feel like none of them are worth missing, but sure enough during the past two and a half years I would have killed to have someone in a madras shirt driving a tuff car call me "grease."

I missed our crummy neighborhood in Tulsa and now that I'm back in my beloved home that I itched to see again, I find myself thinking about the journey I took to get back to sitting in this car, holding onto this handle with sweaty palms. It all started pulling away from a similar scene like this. The car was identical, the houses and neighborhood were the same, just slightly less rundown, old, and trashed…

oOo

I didn't cry, at least not until I knew I was a couple blocks away. I held it in until I couldn't hold it in anymore. I sat in the backseat, holding my backpack tightly against my chest, like a kindergartner who doesn't want to go to school but their parents are forcing them anyway. I felt like that was happening too, I technically was being forced to go somewhere that I didn't want to go.

Darry was always scared this could happen and Soda and I never believed it actually would. It was just typical Darry worrying about everything that possibly could go wrong and when Darry made a mistake, well Soda and I still thought nothing would happen, but something did happen. What Darry did caused me to sit in the back of this car, driving me away from the remains of my family and the only home I never knew.

It wasn't fair though; Soda got to stay, why couldn't I? The state and their rules are stupid and I just wished they'd go out and help kids who need help and not kids who are fine like I was. It was a mistake, everybody makes them and afterwards move on and forget about them. Why couldn't the state do that? It seemed fair to me. Gosh though, why couldn't Soda be taken too? It would just make things so much easier on me, at least he'd be sitting next to me, which is a million times better than being alone.

Two months ago I loved being alone, heck even the day before this I loved being alone but now I don't like it. It makes be feel icky and horrible. I almost feel abandon, even though I know they won't abandon me-Darry and Soda, they would never, they're my brothers, they'll fight this until they literally can't fight no more and I'm going to do the same, or at least try.

It felt like forever and a day until the lady driving the car, my social worker Ms. Dailey, stopped the car in front of a building, actually it was a house-a big house with a tall fence surrounding it and a sign on the gate that read "Oklahoma City's Home for Boys" and I instantly knew that fence wasn't just to keep people from getting in, but out as well. Two guards opened the gate and Ms. Dailey drove up the driveway. I always liked her. She was always very nice and patient with my family. She had dirty blond hair that was always up in a bun and a smile from ear to ear planted on her face. But now, I'm not so sure if I liked her anymore, after all she was the one who drove me to this place.

"Well, we're here," she said with a sigh while turning her head back to face me. Even though there was no one in the passenger seat it was a rule that I had to sit in the back, which I think was stupid. "You ready to go in?"

I wanted to say no because that was the truth but I had to lie because even if I was ready or not, I still had to walk through those doors and into that building. I just simply nodded instead. The tears stopped falling about half an hour ago and my face was sticky and hard where they dried. I clutched my backpack's strap in my fist as I pulled on the door handle, reluctantly getting out of the car.

"It will be alright," Ms. Dailey told me with an encouraging smile, or a meant to be encouraging smile. "This place isn't that bad, and you shouldn't be here long. Normally foster families don't take children your age, but I'm sure it won't be that hard for me to find you a family."

_I already have a family, _I thought while I followed her to the big double entrance doors. I couldn't believe it though. This was my brothers and I's worse dream since my parents died coming true. My stomach dropped to the floor as I stepped inside. We were both greeted by some man.

"Ponyboy, this is Mr. Smith, he's in charge around here. I must be going, it's another long drive back to Tulsa."

The man shook the woman's hand. "Thank you for bringing him down here Melissa. It was a pleasure seeing you again."

Ms. Dailey nodded and left me alone with Mr. Smith. He was a big guy, stout and round, with hint of beard. He reminded my of that guy Jerry, that school teacher in Windrixville who was too heavy to fit through the window during that fire.

"Come with me son." The man waved his hand as he started walking down the hallway, and I followed. We went up a staircase to the top, and third floor and took me to a small room with two bunk beds cramped inside. The walkway between the two beds was probably about three feet wide.

"That's your bed," he said while pointing to the bottom bunk on the right. He told me to put my bag on it and I did. "Your bag will be searched for weapons or drugs. I hope you didn't bring anything like that with you."

I did. I had a half pack of cigarettes that Two-Bit gave me and a lighter in my jeans pocket and a full pack in my backpack.

"You'll be in here when you're sleeping so don't worry about the space," Mr. Smith said as he lead me out of the room. "You are allowed on the third floor and second floor only. Third floor is just bedrooms and the room over there," he pointed down the hall to a doorway with no door. "That is the wreck room, bathroom is right next to it."

We walked down the stairs again and he led me down another hallway. "Second floor is the where the school is and a cafeteria. Meals are served three times a day, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You are required to be in the cafeteria for every meal." He pointed down the hall again to another doorway with no door. I could tell it was the cafeteria from the tables I saw.

He opened a door which brought me into an office. He pointed at a chair in front of his desk while he sat behind it. I sat down in it and folded my hands in my lap. I felt like I was talking to the principal after getting in trouble at school, especially since the man hasn't smiled at all since I met him. His face just stayed dull and grumpy the entire time like it was frozen that way.

"Since tomorrow is Wednesday, and it is a school day, you are required to attend school. You're classroom is room 3A, which is right next to the cafeteria. Your teacher will be Ms. Phillips. After lunch we allow an hour for you to be outside and enjoy the fresh air if the weather allows it. If it's too cold or hot, raining or snowing we will not allow you outside. If you got into any trouble at all, we will not allow you outside, is that understood?"

I nodded my head, a little afraid to speak, but I guess that wasn't the answer he wanted.

"Is that understood?" he asked, slightly raising his voice.

"Yes Sir."

Mr. Smith nodded his head in approval of my answer. "Good to hear. Like I said earlier, there are no drugs or weapons allowed, if you have any on you, I suggest you hand them over right now so you don't get into trouble later."

I hesitated. It's like he knew I had a pack of smokes in my pocket. I sighed and reached into it and dug out the half carton and the lighter and reluctantly placed them on his desk. _I am going to go crazy without those things. _

"It's nice to know we have someone who's honest living here. As well of the no drugs or weapons rule, there is no fighting with the other boys or adults. It is not tolerated here and there will be consequences for behavior like that. Lights out is at ten o'clock and breakfast is served at seven thirty. You are allowed to make phone calls and have visitors but since you are new here, for adjustment you are not allowed to have them until we believe you are ready. If you break any rules that will also prevent you from those privileges as well. Is that clear?"

I nodded my head. "Yes Sir. It's crystal."

Mr. Smith nodded. "Alright then. Go on, we're all done here."

I stood up from my chair and glanced at the clock before heading out. It was already eight thirty. I've been in this miserable place for hour, which is an hour too long. I should be at home, sitting on the couch reading a book while Darry sits in the recliner reading the newspaper and Soda does whatever Sodapops do! He's too unpredictable sometimes. Instead I'm an hour and a half away in Oklahoma City walking to the third floor of a boys home. It's definitely not my cup of tea.

I went into the bathroom and completely avoided looking into the wreck room where all the other boys living here were. I didn't want to meet them even though I knew I eventually would have to, three of them are my roommates after all.

I splashed water onto my face. I just had to live here for a little bit. Darry would fix this like he always does and everything will go back to normal. I just had to get over living here for a few days. I looked at myself in the mirror after I dried my wet face and sighed. What I really needed was a cigarette but I didn't have any.

I left the bathroom and went to the room I was in earlier, my bedroom, but at the moment I refused to call it that. My bedroom was in Tulsa at my house where Soda slept next to me at night, not this cramped little bunk bed filled room. This was my temporary place to sleep, not my bedroom.

My bag laid on top of it of the bed, just where I left it when Mr. Smith was showing me around. I jumped for it as hope filled my body and hastily started digging into it, but all hope drained out when I found out that it really was searched and those cigarettes I left in there were no longer there. I lied down disappointingly on my "bed." The mattress was softer than the one Soda and I slept on, but I didn't like it. I didn't like anything there and I thought that as tears slipped out of my eyes again, and before I knew it, I was asleep.

But it didn't last long…

I woke up I don't know when, heavily breathing and slightly scared. Actually, scratch that, I was very scared. The room was dark, someone turned off the light I left on when I dozed off. I looked over to the bed across from me and spotted someone sleeping in the bed. I was glad my nightmare didn't wake anyone up, that would've been embarrassing.

I sighed and closed my eyes, turning my head towards the wall. There may have been three other people in the room, but I felt more alone than ever and was too scared to fall back asleep on my own.

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_**I hope you liked it. I'll update probably next week-ish. Don't forget to review and let me know if I should continue with this or not. I personally am not sure if I like it or not, so please let me know in a review! Also there is a poll on my profile concerning this story. Please vote.**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**-Michelle Loves Chocolate 99**_


	2. Fight

_**So This Is It**_

**Chapter Two**

"Curtis, you better hurry up!"

An object was thrown at my head as I was rudely awaken. I threw the pillow across the walkway onto Jack's bed as he left the room. He was the only roommate I really liked, actually he was the only one in the home I liked. He made sure I got up on time in the mornings and I highly appreciated it, but he wasn't my friend though. He didn't care too much for me while everyone else seemed to hate me even though this was my fourth day living here.

I pulled my shirt off only to put a cleaner one on then quickly put on a pair of jeans. I stumbled out of the room as I slipped my converse shoes over my feet and ran down the stairs, headed towards the cafeteria. I barely made it to breakfast on time, I always barely make it. I'm always the last one in line and the last one to get a seat… Not that I cared or anything. The only person I would sit with here is Jack but I know he doesn't want to sit with me. I'd rather sit by myself.

I had my own table and everything at this place. It was in the corner. I felt like that new kid that comes to school in the middle of the year, and since it's the middle of the year, everybody already has their friends and gangs, and that kid has no one. I'm that new loser kid. Now sitting by myself as I eat whatever nasty watery stuff is on my plate I found a new respect for those new kids. I felt as icky and unwanted as my breakfast.

I rotated my fork into what I think was scrambled eggs and thought of my brother Soda. He loved scrambled eggs, but he never ate them like a normal person. He always put grape jelly on top of them. I always thought it was gross, the combination didn't look right. One day he actually made me try them and it honestly was repulsive. But I'd rather eat Soda's jelly eggs instead of this place's lame excuse for breakfast. I'd probably die of starvation before Darry could get me out of this place but I didn't care. The food was gross.

I wondered what my brothers were doing at that moment. Probably cooking breakfast themselves and hurrying to get out of the house before they were late for work. Maybe having me out of their way was a good thing. One less mouth to feed, one less person to worry about… it'd save them a lot of money that's for sure, but Darry told me he was going to get me back and I believed him. I didn't want to stay in this dump anyways.

I threw away the remains of my plate, which was a lot since I only nibbled at it and repeated exactly what I did Wednesday and Thursday-school. School here wasn't the same. They technically give you a book, tell you to read and expect you to take a test over each chapter without having a teacher give you any instruction. It was like a study hall, but mainly everyone just joked around, well everyone except me. I studied and prepared myself for whatever was going to be on our test because that's what Darry would've wanted me to do.

It was hard though. I'm smart, yeah, but teachers show you how to do math problems on a chalkboard and give you tips, or explain deeper about historical events that the book didn't point out to make things easier for you to learn. I didn't have a teacher, just a book, and I also had no idea what was going to be on the test either so that made it even harder for me to study, but I kept doing it. I just wanted to ace that test for Darry.

Someone shouted and a crash was followed quickly after that. I look up to see one of my roommates, Jeremy, standing over someone who was one the floor. The guy stumbled up on his feet and immediately began charging after Jeremy. Jeremy swayed away from the punch.

"Hey now!" my teacher, Ms. Phillips yelled from behind her desk. I didn't like her. She's not a real teacher, during class she does crossword and word search puzzles from the newspaper. Ms. Phillips is an older lady, probably in her fifties, and like Mr. Smith, she was a little on the heavy side. A bored, dull look was always planted on her face and it was always kind of creepy, but now that creepy look turned into an angry one as she yelled at the two boys fighting in front of my desk.

"Take your seats gentlemen, I've about had it with you two. One more screw up and you're out!"

Jeremy and the other kid locked eyes, you could just feel the hatred in the room. They just stood there, like they were telepathically talking to each other, reading their own minds ignoring what Ms. Phillips told them. The deathly glare she was giving them made me shiver.

"Now gentlemen!"

They went back to their seats and the room went back to being crazy and loud, but Jeremy and the other kid still kept their eyes locked.

When lunch came, I took my seat at my table, but was startled when Jack and another kid sat down with me with their trays of some sort of food.

"Hey Curtis." Jack never called me by my first name, and I didn't mind it. I liked my name and all, but it was a cause to a lot of bullying sometimes. Tip of advice to whoever is reading this, try not to name your children things that could cause them to get picked on at school.

Jack was a year older than me at fifteen, he was taller than me and stronger than me, and was what girls would call attractive. His hair was brown and was greased similar to how Soda fixed his hair and his eyes were green like mine. The guy he brought with him though was the complete opposite.

His eyes were green like Jack's, but his hair was blonde and shaggy, it was little bit darker than Dallas's and his build was tiny. He look weak and small, he was kind of like a stick person almost. He reminded me of a shorter version of that Shaggy guy from Scooby-Doo. He looked like a toothpick. It surprised me because people tell me I'm small, but this kid just redefined the entire word.

"Curtis, this is my little brother Whitney. Whitney, this is Curtis."

Whitney gave me an awkward smile before diving his spoon into a bowl of goo. He swallowed it and made a face before dumping is spoon back in only to eat some more. I don't get why the poor kid is still eating that stuff.

"I hate this place," Jack complained, stirring his spoon in his bowl. "The least they could do is give us real food. What is this shit anyway? Chili?"

Whitney shrugged. "I don't know. Stew maybe."

Jack shivered. "I feel like we're better off eating dog food or even cat litter." He dug his spoon into the dark, thick junk and swallowed it down with a gulp. "So anyway Curtis, I heard there was a fight between Jeremy and Big Billy today. What happened?"

Boy, did he look excited. His green eyes were lit like firecrackers. I never cared for fights, it's useless and a waste of time. I only believe in it when it comes to self defense and that's it, but other people really dug it and I guess Jack was one of those people.

I just shrugged. "Nothing exciting, teacher broke it up before anything really happened." The light in his eyes went away. "But uh, Big Billy was on the ground for a few seconds. He attempted to go after Jeremy but Ms. Phillips stopped it there."

"Man, I wish I was there." He threw his spoon into his bowl and sighed. "All the adults here always ruin everything for us. They took away smoking, fighting, and are even considering getting rid of the TV in the wreck room. I hate this place. I can't wait til I get out of this fucking place when I'm eighteen, and once I'm out I'm getting Whitney out of state's custody."

I sighed. "My brother's trying to get me out of here himself."

"No kidding!" Jack took another bite of the dark goo. "Why are you here anyway kid? Parents in jail or somethin'?"

I shrugged. "Or somethin'. It doesn't matter though. I'm getting out of here soon."

I took a few bites out of the thick soup/chili/stew or whatever it was. It was better than the other meals I had here, probably one of the best but it was still disgusting. I took a few more since it one of the better tasting stuff I eaten since I left home a few days ago. I was probably starting to lose weight from not eating anything but nibbles and small bites. I needed something in my belly, so I finished the bowl.

It wasn't until we went outside after lunch that it happened. Most days we get to go outside for an hour, it's kind of like a recess even though everyone who lives here is twelve to seventeen. The mid-November air was slightly chilly, but not cold. We don't get a lot of exercise being cooped up in that house all day. There are a couple of tables and which people play cards with and there's usually a game of football going on and another game of soccer for those who want to play. People were always smoking too, how in the world they get a hold of cigarettes and lighters is beyond me and the guards didn't seem to even care either.

I made the mistake to hang out of Jack and his little brother Whitney. Like at lunch and other meals, I've spent my outdoor time alone, but since Jack and Whitney hung out with my then, it seemed like a good idea to hang out with them here. Whitney was pretty nice, a million times quieter than his brother but he was cool and didn't seem to mind me.

We sat at a table and Jack pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He lit one up before passing the carton and lighter to Whitney who passed it back to Jack. Jack offered me one and I immediately snatched it out of his hand. I was craving one of these for days and my hand shook so much it was so hard to light the stick up.

I sucked on it for a second. It wasn't a Kool but I didn't care, it felt so good. "Where'd you get these?"

"Snatch them from teachers and the other adults who work around here. Some of them are ones that are confiscated from new people, the others are from adults and teachers themselves. Guards don't care. They're just out here to make sure no one makes a run for it really."

I raised an eyebrow. The fence in the back was covered with barbed wire, were people really that crazy enough to climb that to get out of this dump? I shook my head, the more I thought about it, the more I thought I shouldn't have been surprised. I personally wouldn't have tried it but other people here probably would.

I was about to ask Jack if I could have another cancer stick when out of the blue I see Jeremy and the guy who is supposedly named Big Billy going at it with each other. Punching, kicking, and everything. Jack's eyes lit up and he immediately stood up.

"C'mon!"

Jack ran towards the fight to get a better look at it and Whitney and I followed him. Whitney didn't seem all impressed with what was going on but on the other hand Jack looked like a little kid waiting for the piñata to burst at a birthday party. The two brothers were completely opposite from each other, they sort of reminded me of me and Soda. If Soda was here with me, he'd be dragging me over here to watch some fight for sure, but he's in Tulsa, and that's where I should be too. It felt like weeks since I've last seen Soda and Darry, but I knew it wasn't. I left them Tuesday afternoon and today was Friday.

A guard yelling brought me out of my thoughts. Darry was right, my head sure was up in the clouds a lot. Two guards pulled the two off each other while hollering at them about how much fighting was wrong, and I saw Jack's eyes go dull again.

"Just when things were gettin' good," he mumbled as we began to walk back to our table. I was just about to ask him for that second cigarette again when someone shouted something. I didn't know who it was but I just kept walking towards the table until I realized Whitney wasn't with us. I looked back and saw him talking to some guy who was probably between Jack and I's sizes. He looked pretty big though compared to Whitney's pipsqueak size.

I opened my mouth to ask Jack for the cigarette that I kept getting distracted from when it happened. It's like someone doesn't want me to have another smoke, but my craving quickly vanished as I saw that kid punch Whitney in the face. _Another fight, great._

"Jack!" I called out to my roommate, pointing towards the kid beating up Whitney with two other boys standing behind watching and laughing. "Your brother!"

Jack turned around and began running to the scene the moment he saw it and I followed. Jack grabbed the guy by his shirt, pulling him off of Whitney then punching him in the face. Blood poured out of his nose, and the two guys who were standing around went after Jack. I hated fights, but I couldn't just stand around and watch the only person who really talked to me lose because he was outnumbered.

I jumped into the mess. I made a couple of good swings, but took a couple to my abdomen and face too. They weren't soft hits either, they were hard and they hurt, but I didn't stop and stayed by Jack's side while Whitney back away, avoiding the mess. We were outnumbered, three to two, if Whitney jumped in things would even out but he didn't, wouldn't. I didn't really care though, I understood how Whitney felt and also Jack and I were doing pretty good. We were winning and things were going swell until the guards came yelling at us to break it up.

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**So here's the thing. I'm still debating if I will continue this, so please express your opinion. Also again this story starts when Pony's fourteen and ends when he's seventeen so that means it's going to be a long story. Since it's the start of summer I'll try to get as many updates as I can until it ends but once school starts it's gonna be crazy but we won't worry about that until August since tomorrow is only the last day of May.**

**The original version of Scooby-Doo(Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!) didn't come out until 1969 which is a few years after the current time of the story which is '65 almost '66. I am aware of it but I couldn't think of anyone else I could use to help describe the kid Whitney. Sorry.**

**Thanks to those of you who reviewed! I usually thank people through PM but I can't always do that if people have it disabled or is an anonymous user so thanks if I haven't already thanked you and also thanks for all the faves and follows! It means a lot. Don't forget to leave a review please. That would be lovely.**

**Lastly, I don't normally write in 1st person. Am I doing okay? Portraying Ponyboy alright? Please tell me otherwise. Thanks! :)**

**-MLC 99**


	3. Mrs Johnson

_**So This Is It**_

**Chapter Three**

My lip was cut and was already starting to swell, but the worst part wasn't the pain, it was the repulsive taste of the blood that was flowing into my mouth. Two-Bit always told me that was the best part, but I totally disagree. I spit the thick, dark read liquid into the sink before grabbing a clean towel and placing it over the cut. Golly, did it hurt! It throbbed and I felt it pound against my fingers through the cloth like a drum.

Why did I have to get into a fight? I'm so stupid sometimes. It wasn't like Jack was my friend or anything. I shouldn't have went in to help him. God, why can't I just use my head? I never think and that's my biggest flaw.

A knock came the door and before I could say or do anything, Jack let himself in. He had a black eye and a bloody nose. He took the worst out of the two of us which I'm grateful for, but I'd be even more grateful if my lip didn't hurt like it did.

"Oh don't give me that look," he said to me and I didn't even realize I was giving him a look. "You choose to get yourself in there, I didn't make ya."

He threw the red, once white napkin he was using for his nose into the trash can, then tore a couple sheets of toilet paper off to replace the blood covered napkin he threw away. As he reach, I noticed something on his inner arm. Three dark scars were on his wrist and gulped. That definitely did not happen during the fight and I couldn't believe myself that I didn't notice it until now.

"What's on your wrist?" _God, I am so stupid! Did I seriously say that out loud? _I couldn't help it though and even though I knew what it was, I can't believe I still asked. I told you, I never think. Darry's right, Darry's always right.

Jack looked at it, and then showed it to me. "You mean this?" I nodded and felt even more ridiculously stupid. "It's my list."

I cocked my head to the side like a confused little puppy, and at that moment, I did feel like one. "List of what?"

"You're new to this whole system, ain't you Curtis? This is the third place I lived since the state took me away. It's how I keep track of how many places I lived. Some people crave it into their shoes, others, like me, make cuts deep enough to scar. You know Jeremy? He has eight lines on the bottom of his shoe. Mine's probably not going to get as big as that but yeah."

I rolled my eyes. "You're crazy."

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "Suit yourself Curtis." He began to walk out of the bathroom but stopped. "Oh, and I almost forgot, Mr. Smith wants to see you in his office immediately."

"About the fight?"

Jack shrugged again. "I don't know man. He's looking for you though and I wouldn't keep that man waiting."

Jack opened the bathroom door, making his way down the hall. I looked into the mirror and sighed, then ran out of the bathroom.

"Jack," I called to my friend. "Wait, why, why are you and Whitney here?"

Jack paused, slowly turning around on his heel and shrugged. "Curtis, I may absolutely hate it here, but this place is better than any other place I've ever lived at. It's doesn't matter why I'm here, what matters is that I'd rather be here than at home. You should know that yourself."

I sighed. Maybe this place wasn't all bad, but only for the people who needed to live there. I wanted to be home unlike Jack.

oOo

"Oh Ponyboy! What happened?" Ms. Dailey's voice rang through my ears. She was here, why? Isn't she suppose to be dragging some other poor kid out of their home?

"A lot of rules were being broken today," Mr. Smith said from his chair. Was this why she was here, because of the fight? She drove all the way here because of- "Of course a lot of rules are broken everyday. Take a seat Ponyboy."

I looked at the chair I sat in just a few days before when I first arrived at the place. This place reminded me of a principal's office and in every principal's office you never wanted to be sitting in the chair in front of the desk. It meant you were in serious trouble. Why wasn't Jack here and the other people who were in the fight plus Jeremy and Big Billy? Why weren't they in trouble?

I reluctantly sat down in the uncomfortable seat and nervously began to chew on my finger nails. I don't know why, but I can't help but chew on my nails when I'm nervous. I don't understand, it's a common nervous habit but it bothers me.

"Relax Ponyboy." Ms. Dailey gave me one of her smiles, one I never wanted to see again since she took me out of my home. I hated her ever since that day, even though that day was just a few days earlier.

"How are you liking it here? Be honest."

"I honestly want to go home," I said, hoping she'd actually take me there and give Darry back custody. Shouldn't I be able to speak up for myself and say what I want and not what the state wants? I think so, it seems fair.

Ms. Dailey shook her head and sighed. "Sorry Ponyboy, but that is not an option. I did, however find you a home. I'm sure you'll like it. Mrs. Johnson-"

I zoned out. I didn't want to go to some strangers home and live with them, would you? It sounded strange to me, living in this place is strange to me. I just wanted to go home. I haven't seen my brothers since I left. I know I've been away longer when I was in Windrixville with Johnny two months ago but I had a feeling I was about to break that record. I didn't want to live anywhere else than at my house, in my home.

"-very lovely, and I'm positive you'll love her."

"Sounds better than this place," Mr. Smith said with no enthusiasm. "Now go pack your bags Ponyboy. Owasso is a long drive, the sooner you get your stuff together the sooner you'll get there."

_Owasso, that was just outside of Tulsa. Maybe my brothers could-_

"Go on Ponyboy," Ms. Dailey interrupted my thoughts. "Come back here when you're done."

I slowly left the room and return upstairs and entered my bedroom or well room I slept in while staying at this place. I still wasn't comfortable calling this my room, and it wasn't my room especially since I'm leaving this horrible place.

Packing here wasn't something that took long. Really I just kept things in my bag. I put the dirty t-shirt I took off when I got dressed this morning in my backpack and swung it over my shoulder. My packing was done.

I jumped though when I turned around, Jack leaning against the door frame. "You going home to that brother you mentioned? Or foster care?"

It's like he knew. "Foster care. They found me a home in Owasso. Suppose to be 'lovely.'"

Jack laughed. "It's probably the opposite. Good luck man, you'll need it."

I smiled. "Yeah, thanks." I extended my hand out. "It was nice knowing ya, Jack. I hope you get to live in a better place than this dump sooner or later, same with your brother."

Jack shook my hand. "Doubt it, they'll probably split us up. I just hope Whitney gets out of here first because without me here, he'll get hurt by the others. They don't like him."

"I can tell. I gotta go Jack. Bye."

"Farewell Curtis." That was my first goodbye to someone that I actually liked in foster care, and I didn't know it then, but was one of the few I was going to miss.

oOo

The drive was long, exhausting, and boring. So boring. Have you ever sat in a car for two hours straight with no one to talk to? If Soda or Two-Bit were here, they'd make it fun. I couldn't help but think of them and Steve and Darry as we passed the "Welcome To Tulsa" sign, but I knew we were only driving through Tulsa to get to Owasso, to get to my foster home.

The whole two hour ride I had to listen to Ms. Dailey nag on and on about how wonderful and amazing this Mrs. Johnson lady is. I wouldn't know if it was true though. I wasn't listening, and I didn't care. I only cared about going home and when we were in Tulsa, I considered jumping out of the car and making a run for Two-Bit's house. Social Services would never look there for me. Now as we pull into the driveway of a two-story house, I regret not following through the idea.

"C'mon Ponyboy." Ms. Dailey opened the door and got out, I did the same, clutching my backpack strap in my hand before throwing it over my shoulder.

"I promise, there's nothing to be nervous about."

I shook my head. "I ain't nervous," I snapped, which I honestly did not mean to do, but Ms. Dailey didn't notice, or did not care.

Before she knocked on the front door, she looked at me, and briefly sighed. "Listen to me Ponyboy, Mrs. Johnson is a very lovely woman, and she has been through a lot like you have. Please, just please behave, okay? It will make things easier on all three of us."

I nodded my head and she let out another sigh before ringing a door bell.

"Right on time!" a voice cheered moments later after the door flew opened. A woman with dark, curly brunette hair, hazel eyes, and a warm smile opened the door. She looked to be in her forties, probably around my parents' age.

"Well we tried," Ms. Dailey said while shaking the woman's hand before stepping inside, and I followed her through the doorway. "Ponyboy, this is Mrs. Elaine Johnson."

"Please, you can just call me Lanie."

I forced a fake smile at her, and she led us into the dining room. At the table she and Ms. Dailey did paper work and talked and I just sat there, fiddling with my backpack zipper, nervous and wanting to go home. But home was not an option according to the state.

Ms. Dailey left, and gave me a look reminding me of what she said earlier. I can't believe she thinks I'm going to do something awful. I'm not that bad of a kid, right? It's not like I steal things or go pick fights with others. She told me good bye and left me with a complete stranger. At least I knew Ms. Dailey, I don't know Mrs. Johnson at all.

"Are you hungry? I was just about to start dinner before you arrived." I heard her voice and jumped. I looked at her and shook my head.

"That's alright, it will take a while for me to cook it anyway. C'mon, let me show you your room."

The woman led me out of the kitchen, walking up a flight of stairs by the fireplace in the living room. She led me down a hallway and opened the last door. The room was smaller than my bedroom with Soda at home, but a lot bigger than the room at the boys home. A twin size bed sat in the corner and there was a desk, a bookshelf, a dresser and closet. There was a window next to the desk with dark blue curtains.

"It's not much, but you can do whatever you like with it. It's all yours." She looked at my backpack. "Would you like help unpacking?"

I shook my head, clutching the strap tightly. I wasn't going to let a stranger touch my things even though it wasn't a lot. I didn't pack everything when the state took me. I didn't want to.

"That's alright. When you're done, please come down for dinner. I'd like you to eat something. Tomorrow maybe we can go shopping, get you some more clothes. Just one small bag doesn't seem enough to me."

Mrs. Johnson smiled at me and left. I didn't move until the footsteps descending down the stairs stopped. After that I didn't unpack. I just looked around at the light blue, blank walls. It was a nice house, but it wasn't home. It was foreign and unknown to me. I didn't like the feeling it gave my stomach.

I threw my bag onto the floor then collapsed onto the bed. The comforter matched the curtains, dark blue-that's Darry's favorite color. The mattress was soft and comfy too, but I didn't know how I was going to sleep on it. I preferred my bed at home, I guess it was just going to take some time to get used to, but I didn't want that to ever happen. I wanted to be out of here before I could get used to anything.

"Dinner's ready Ponyboy!" Mrs. Johnson shouted from downstairs. I didn't know how long I've been lying here but it must have been long enough. I waited a moment and reluctantly got up from the bed.

"So tell me about yourself Ponyboy?" Mrs. Johnson says as I twirl my fork around the spaghetti she made. I haven't eaten much in the past couple days at the boys home, but despite that, I really wasn't that hungry. My stomach hurt, but I tried to eat as much as I could.

I shrugged my shoulders. "What's to tell?"

"I heard you're great in school, skipped a grade even. That's very impressive. I wish my son was that smart."

She had a son? Where was he then? "Yeah, I guess it is."

"You'll start school Monday. It's right down the street. Most days you'll walk to and back. I sometimes work later in the evenings but if the weather is really cold, or raining and I'm not working I can drive you and pick you up."

"It's fine. I don't really mind walking."

Mrs. Johnson smiled. "My son would've been complaining. You're a good kid Ponyboy. Do you play any sports?"

I tell her about track, how I was one of the best runners, and she kept smiling and talking. She didn't even seem to notice how little I had eaten. Maybe she didn't really care. I felt bad though because through the whole conversation, I totally forgot about my brothers and how much I missed being home.

I went back to my bedroom and unpacked the few things I had. I was going to need my backpack for school on Monday. I then went across the hall, showered and got ready for bed. I layed down and sighed. Mrs. Johnson was nice, and I liked her. She reminded me of my own mother in a small way, but even though it was small it was still big enough to comfort me. It also reminded me how much I really missed my parents. I was so scared when they told me they found me a home, but now, I realize I shouldn't have been. Foster care I guess isn't that bad, minus the fact I haven't spoken to my brothers in a couple of days and that was a couple of days too long.

It was too late then when I finally thought about asking Mrs. Johnson for a phone. I guess they could wait until tomorrow evening after they are home from work. I missed them so much.

* * *

**I'm not sure if a lot of people have "list." I saw it in some crime solving show a long time ago, what show, I couldn't tell you. My sister was watching it and I just happened to be in the room during a scene and they asked this kid what the heck was on his shoe when they were interrogating him and well that inspired me in this story. It's like a tally count and I thought'd it be good for the story. I've also been reading article things from people who actually been in foster care when they were children and hearing their stories to get ideas for this to make this more realistic. It's kind of sad(their lives). It's a shame that you never hear about the good foster homes, because there are a lot of them, only the bad ones, don't worry though, Pony will live in a good home or two. ;)**

**Also this story won't be like a day by day thing. I could skip a couple hours during a chapter change to a day or two, to a couple weeks, to a month or two. So there will be skips like that. I'm not writing every moment of his life in this story if you could tell by the second chapter. So beware of time jumps like that. I could start you off and have you confused the first couple paragraphs at some updates but will have you on track after a couple minutes of reading if whatever I said went into your head then good. I can be confusing sometimes. I'm actually am kind of quiet when it comes to real life but writing is like a completely different world to me, and in that world I'm really outgoing and I should shut up now...**

**Thanks for the reviews and please don't miss out on the opportunity to review. It's a really simple task and will put a smile on my face, so just do it! I like to smile! It's a good cause, have it be your good deed of the day. It can even be one letter, I don't care. Is one letter that hard to type? :)**

**Oh and one more thing I meant to mention in chapter one, there's probably going to be a lot of cussing in future chapters. I actually have a pretty clean mouth in real life and aren't too fond of writing swear words down but it's necessary especially when the characters in the Outsiders tend to have filthy mouths. I'm not as talented as S.E Hinton when it comes to writing around cuss words... I could try but yeah. We'll stick to the T rating for a reason.**

**Now if you don't mind I'm going to go eat dinner(spaghetti too! ow ironic?).**

**-MLC 99**


	4. Phone Calls and Nightmares

_**Happy Father's Day!**_

* * *

_**So This Is It**_

**Chapter Four**

School was boring, and well, it sucked being the new kid who transferred in just a few weeks until the semester ended. You had no friends, not that I wanted any, and you had no idea where the people in this school were academic wise. Lucky for me, compared to my old school in Tulsa, they were behind a few weeks, so I knew what we were learning. It was better than the school at the boys home, but it wasn't Will Rogers.

I watched the clock pretty much the whole day. It was as if the ticking was the only sound in the room, and it mocked me. _Tick, tock, tick, tock. _I wanted to throw my textbook at it, but I knew that wouldn't solve any problems and I'd probably get into trouble. It was Tuesday, I haven't seen or heard from my brothers in a week and I was counting down the time school let out like you would for summer.

Mrs. Johnson, or Lanie, she didn't like the idea of me calling them. She said she wasn't sure if that was a good idea because I was taken away for a reason. But she was working a little bit later tonight. I would be home alone when school let out and that means I could use the phone without being noticed. I know I promised Ms. Dailey I would behave, but I had to break this rule. It would kill me if I waited any longer. A week may not be that long, but in my shoes, they were.

"Ponyboy, what do you think?" the teacher asked from behind her desk. My heart started racing, like I said, the clock was the only thing that had my attention, I had no idea what page we were on. "About the trial?"

Oh, that. It's a good thing I already read this book before, twice. "I think Atticus is doing the right thing no matter what the town is saying. When someone's obviously innocent they shouldn't go to jail no matter what race. Discrimination isn't right and isn't fair to anyone."

The teacher nodded in approval and I turned my attention back to the clock, and it's annoying, mocking ticks. English was my last hour and we had fifteen minutes left. Fifteen long minutes of reading a book I already had read, not that it was a bad book or anything, but I wanted to get the heck out of there.

When we were finally dismissed I raced to my locker, I filled my backpack with books and spiral notebook and took off. I didn't run back to Lanie's, rather I walked really fast. I didn't want to make it obvious that I was running, draw attention to myself, besides Darry was probably just now getting home and was going to start dinner so it would be ready by the time Soda go to the house.

"Hey!" I heard from behind me, I slightly jumped, but kept walking, picking up my pace a little bit. I was still new to this area and I still wasn't sure if the Soc/greaser thing went on around here like it did in Tulsa. I wasn't up to getting jumped, especially since I got the switchblade I took when I left home with me confiscated.

"Wait up!" the same voice shouted out. Before I knew it, I heard shoes slapping the concrete sidewalk and someone was walking the same, fast pace I was going right next to me. "You dropped this."

A kid about my age shoved a notebook in front of me, my biology spiral. I would've been lost without it. "Thanks," I said as I snatched it out of his hand

"You're the new kid with the weird name, right? Horseboy?"

"Ponyboy," I corrected and rolled my eyes. It's not that hard to forget.

He nodded. "Right, sorry. I'm Jared. We share the same history class together." I nodded. He did look quite familiar. "Well see you around, I guess."

"Yeah, see ya," I said, walking off as he crossed the street over to what I figured was his house. I stuffed the notebook back into my backpack. It was unzipped, must have been from rushing out of the school building. I quickly made sure everything else as there before closing it and continuing back to the house.

When I got there, it was silent, which I really liked. I dumped my backpack on the floor in the front hall and ran to the kitchen, where the phone hung on the wall by the refrigerator. I spun the wheel around, dialing the number that I rarely ever called, because I never really had to before unless I wanted a ride.

It rang. Then it rang again, and again, and I was just about to give up as it kept ringing for a couple of minutes. But then I heard it.

"_Curtis residence, Two-Bit Mathews speaking. How may I help you?"_

It wasn't really funny, but I couldn't help but laugh. It felt good to hear a familiar voice. It felt like one year, rather than one week. It felt like a lot of weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

"_Hello?" _Two-Bit said again, and that's when I realized I was thinking for too long.

"Hey Two-Bit."

"_Ponyboy! Why haven't you called? It's been like a month since we've last heard from you!" _Two-Bit yelled through the speaker.

"It's been a week, calm down. They wouldn't let me have phone privileges because I was new at the boys home, and my foster parent won't let me use it either, but she's at work right now. Is Darry there? Can I talk to him?"

Two-Bit was quiet for a second, and I got real worried. _"Actually no, kid He's still at work. He's been picking up longer shifts lately."_

"How come?" I asked, a little worried about what was going on at home, but it was like I could see Two-Bit shake his head through the phone.

"_Don't worry about it kid. You're in foster care? So what, that means you're living in someone else's house?"_

I sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine though. The lady's really nice, the only thing I don't like about her is that she doesn't allow me to use the phone. When does Soda get off work? Maybe I can talk to him before she gets home."

"_Sorry, Pony. Both of them don't get home until about six."_

"You're there by yourself?"

"_Nah, Steve's here, he's about to go to work though. Wait a sec-" _I heard murmurs in the background, and there was some shuffling.

"_What's your number, kid?" _It was Steve. _"I'll give it to Soda so he could call ya when I get to work."_

I shook my head despite the fact he couldn't see me. "I don't know it. I've only been here for a few days and I was never even allowed to-"

"_You know the number for the DX?" _

"Yeah but-"

"_Call it. I gotta go, kid. Bye."_

With that, Steve hung up. I didn't have much time. Lanie was probably going to be home any minute. I glanced out the window in the kitchen that viewed the driveway. It was empty, so I quickly dialed the number to the gas station.

It rang for about a minute, and then someone finally picked up. _"This is the DX, how can I help you?"_

It wasn't Soda. It was someone else and I was slightly disappointed. "Is Sodapop there?"

"_He's busy right now, can you wait a minute?" _I jumped, noticing the car starting to come down the road.

"Uh no, can you just tell him Ponyboy called and I'll try to call him back as soon as I have a chance. Thanks."

I hung up the phone, raced towards the front door and picked up my book bag and ran back into the kitchen, tossing it onto the table and rushed to get an assignment out. Lanie told me yesterday she'd rather me do school work downstairs in the kitchen. Something about making sure I actually did my homework even though my grades show I do.

"Hey Ponyboy!" Lanie said, entering the kitchen while putting her purse down on the table by my backpack. "How was school today? Make any friends yet?"

I shook my head, remembering that Jared kid who tried talking to me on my way home. "Not really. I don't need friends anyway."

Lanie sighed while heading towards the refrigerator, getting things out for dinner. "Yes you do. It's unhealthy for children your age not to have any. When you're my age you don't need them as much. Ponyboy, I want you to try to make some, okay? I want you to get out of the house, have fun."

"I do have friends, Lanie. They're all in Tulsa though."

She began chopping something up when she let out another sigh. "You know what I mean Ponyboy. Just try, okay? You can never have too many friends."

I finished my homework and we pretty much ate dinner in silence. She looked a little upset with me, but I wasn't even thinking about our conversation. I was thinking of home. It was six o'clock now, Darry and Soda would be getting home right about now. I wonder if that guy passed the message to Soda. Or if Two-Bit and Steve told them I called. Of course they did, they had to. I just wanted them to know I was okay, and to just hear their voices. I know it sounds weird, but I'd feel so much better if I knew they were okay.

I hope they're okay.

oOo

I woke up hearing someone screaming and someone shaking me and hollering at me. It took me a moment to realize it was me who was screaming, and Lanie was trying to get me to wake up.

"Deep breaths, Ponyboy. Deep breaths." Her voice was soothing, but it was nothing compared to Soda's. It didn't calm me down, but I did what I was told. I felt ridiculous. I always felt ridiculous when I had a nightmare. I haven't had one since my first night at the boys home, but that one wasn't that bad. I don't know why this one was. I never remember.

"Are you alright now?" she asked me gently and I nodded.

"Yeah. I'm, I'm sorry," I said, completely embarrassed.

Lanie just nodded. "It's alright. Don't worry about it, we'll talk about it in the morning, alright? Go back to sleep now."

Lanie left the room an I rolled over and faced the wall, clinging onto my covers. I didn't go back to sleep, I just lied there staring at the wall in front of me. Without Soda on my side, I never felt so alone, so empty.

oOo

Exhaustion must have finally kicked in because I didn't even remember falling back asleep after last night. I was really tired though by the time I got up. I didn't want to get up though. I didn't want to see Lanie after what had happened. She told me we'd talk about last night at breakfast. That didn't sound pleasant to me. I never liked talking about my nightmares, besides, I never remember them anyway.

I reluctantly got up and headed downstairs right on time. Lanie was just putting a plate of pancakes on the table next to a plate of scrambled eggs. She looked up and smiled at me like she normally does. _Maybe she forgot._

"Good morning. Did you sleep well the rest of the night?"

I only shrugged as I sat down in my usual chair and she did the same, dishing out food for herself. I sighed as I put a pancake on my plate. I was just a normal golden brown pancake. I may not have been a fan of Soda playing with his cooking, I desperately wish this was green, blue, purple, anything but the average color of a pancake.

"Don't be ashamed of what happened last night. You know, most people think nightmares are only for little kids, but they are actually most common in teenagers. Did you know that?" I shook my head. "Teens have more stress and that's something that helps trigger it. Also experiencing death or illness of a family member or friend is another cause. My son was about a year older than you when my husband passed away, he had them frequently than it turned into every now and then. I'll make dinner earlier tonight and don't eat anything before you go to bed. Food increases your brain activity and will support those nightmares."

I nodded, picking at the eggs on my plate. "Okay."

"You don't have to go to school today if you don't want to. I can call you in sick if you want to go get some more sleep."

I was just about to say no, but then, an idea sparked. "Yeah, I'd like that."

Lanie smiled. "Alright. Finish your breakfast and I'll call before I leave for work."

And she did. I waited up in my room, searching through the dresser drawers for something. I pulled the money out from under my T-shirt and took about half of it. Today was going to be a good day, I knew it.

* * *

_**I started putting chapter titles up the other day. Sorry it took me a little bit longer than I expected to update. I kept getting distracted and it's hard to write when you can't focus on one thing. Please review, it really means a lot to me. Thanks to those who have reviewed. I usually reply, but I can't if you are a guest, or if you have it disabled so I'm thanking those people right now.**_

_**By the way, the book they were reading was "To Kill A Mocking Bird", it was the only book written around that time I could think about and read myself. **_

_**-Michelle Loves Chocolate 99**_


	5. Talks

_**To one of the guest reviewers in the last chapter, you misread that. Jared said they shared a class and Pony was like "oh yeah, now that I think about it, I think I have seen you around somewhere." If that makes sense. He recognized them from the class they shared. Sorry if it wasn't that clear.**_

* * *

_**So This Is It**_

**Chapter Five**

I smiled lightly. For the first time in a week and a day, I'm somewhere I recognize. For the first time, I knew exactly where I was standing as I got off the bus. It was a place where people actually knew me, where I actually knew myself. A place where gangs roamed the streets and you were scared of your own shadow at times if you were by yourself. I loved this place. As horrible things could get here, I loved it. It was my home after all.

_Is._

I may have left Tulsa, but it wasn't my choice. I was practically dragged out of here by my hair. I was going to come back to this place for good one day. Maybe, just hopefully that one day will be in just a few weeks. I know they wouldn't bring me back right away. That's absurd almost. It may make sense to me, or anyone else that they should let me go home now, or perhaps never have taken me, but since they did, they would never let me go home right away.

But here I am, at a bus station in Tulsa. It's just for a couple of hours though, I know. I had to get back before Lanie got off of work. I know it's wrong to go against the rules, but I don't know how much longer I could've gone before I snapped. I had to come here. I had to see them. For them and myself. I don't know how they are doing, and that worries me.

Of course I didn't have a blade with me since they took it and never gave it back to me at the boys home, so when I saw a Coke bottle on the ground, I immediately picked it up just in case, because in the east side, you can never predict what could happen. Luckily, I didn't have any trouble, most likely because school was going on, and even though a lot of people ditch or drop out, there's not typically a lot of people to jump. So when I got to the DX, I threw the bottle in the nearest trashcan before sprinting towards the door.

I opened the door and looked around briefly before I spotted him behind the counter, nose in some car magazine. He didn't notice me, at least at first. It was a slow day, probably extremely boring for him. I knew he always hated being stuck in the store, especially at this hour. He always prefers the garage.

I slowly began to approach the counter. "Soda?" I said quietly and softly. The look on his face was unforgettable. It was almost as if he saw a ghost, but it only took a moment for that look to change.

"Ponyboy!"

My brother vaulted over the counter and before I knew it, I was in his arms. It felt good. It felt wonderful. I felt safe. It was a dream come true. It was like the time Johnny, Dally, and I were at the hospital after the fire. The kind of thing you only see in movies, books, and dreams, but never in reality. Nothing like this happens in reality.

"Oh Pony." His grip tightened on me, and mine tightened on him. We stayed that way for a couple of moments, perhaps minutes, I didn't know. I did know that I didn't want it to come to an end, but it had too. Soda pulled away from the hug, tears streaming down his face, but none down mine.

"Why haven't you called Pony?" Soda asked, sounding really sad and upset. I don't think I ever heard him so heartbroken. "Why didn't you call and tell us you're alright?"

I didn't know how to respond. I called yesterday, then I attempted to call the DX but Lanie came home so I had to hang up before I could speak to Soda. I figured Steve or Two-Bit would have said something to both Darry and Soda, or that guy who I gave a message to. I thought they would have known I attempted to and tried my best.

"I did call-"

"No you didn't. Did you forget about us or somethin'?"

I shook my head, shocked about what I heard. When I opened my mouth to protest, the bell on the door rang and cut me off. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was my other brother, Darry. He was supposed to be at work. I found it weird how he randomly showed up at a gas station. It didn't feel right.

"Why didn't you call?" Darry asked the same question as Soda. He looked angry, pissed. I shook my head. This didn't make sense. My once dry eyes, now were pouring with tears.

"I did call. I did. You, you weren't there."

"How could you do such a thing to us?" I turned my attention back to Soda. "It was like you disappeared and never came back. We thought you'd never come back. You forgot about us."

I shook my head again. "I didn't forget, I'd never forget. H-how c-could I?"

"We couldn't stop worrying about you, Pony. You should have called, but you didn't! You didn't!"

Shaking my head, I cried. "No, no! I did! I did!"

oOo

"I did!"

I found myself tangled in blankets as my legs were kicking all over the place. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. It was real. That was so real. But it wasn't. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was five thirty. Lanie usually wakes up about six then wakes me up after she had made breakfast, so usually about six thirty was when I got up.

I had to do this, but I had to do it quietly and quickly. I wiped the salty water off of my face, and efficiently, but softly, got out of my bed and tippy-toed my way out of the bedroom. I snuck myself down the stairs and into the kitchen. I didn't bother to turn on the light, I just made my way to the phone.

Like I said, it was five thirty in the morning, and I know for a fact at the Curtis House, no one's awake, and if they are, there's some understandable reason to why. I may piss everyone off by calling before the sun has even risen and won't until about seven, but at seven I won't be able too. This is my only chance and I'd rather take it and not have anyone be angry at me like they were in my most recent nightmare.

I spun the same number I did yesterday afternoon. It rang, and rang, and rang. I tried to stay patient but I couldn't. If someone didn't pick up that stupid phone, I might cry, again.

"_Hello?" _an annoyed voice spoke through the phone, and silent tears began to drip from my eyes. I just couldn't hold the tears in.

"Darry…" I whispered. I didn't know what to say. I was happy, sad, and nervous about Lanie all at the same time. My mind wasn't allowing me to think.

"_Ponyboy! Is that you?" _I nodded my head despite the fact he couldn't see me. _"Are you alright?"_

I nodded again, wiping the streaming tears. . "Yeah… yeah I'm fine. Are you alright?"

He hesitated and I instantly put two and two together. From what Two-Bit said yesterday, and Darry not answering, something had to be up, but I knew no one was going to tell me. "_We're okay, Pony. Don't worry about us, alright? Where are ya?"_

"Somewhere in Owasso. I'm _okay_, Darry. I promise."

I really was okay, honest. The only thing about me that wasn't okay was the fact that I was in Owasso when I should be in Tulsa. It might have been twenty minutes away, but twenty minutes is twenty minutes too long and far.

I talked to Darry for about five more minutes, and I was constantly keeping my eye on the clock. It was hard keeping my voice in a low whisper, but I couldn't risk getting caught by Lanie. I don't know what would happen to me, and I didn't want to find out. Lanie was nice, I liked her, but I didn't want to get her mad. I don't know how she'd take it.

I heard murmurs in the background and suddenly someone else's voice took over.

"_Pony!" _It was the one and only Sodapop. _"Steve and Two-Bit said you tried calling yesterday. I got your message at work. Is everything okay?"_

I wiped the flowing tears from my eyes again. It was a pointless thing to do since more kept streaming, but I couldn't help myself. "I'm fine, Soda. I just miss you guys _so_ much."

"_We miss you too, Pony. Don't worry, we're going to get you back. You're going to come home."_

I nodded. "I know."

"_It will happen. Just don't give your hopes up. You don't belong there, you belong with us."_

He was right. I don't belong here. I don't get why Social Services don't get that. Family is family, no one but the family can tear it apart, but apparently Social Services think they can. It ain't right, it ain't fair, but heck, my life hasn't been fair since the day I was robbed off my parents. The world has taken so much from me, but now that I've been taken away from my family, how can my life get any worse?

It can't, and I will make sure it won't.

I heard a coughing sound behind me and I jumped. I glanced at the clock as the light was flick on. It was five fifty-five. I closed my eyes and let out a breath before turning around, facing Lanie as she crossing her arms over the bathrobe she was wearing while leaning against the doorframe.

"_Ponyboy, you still there?" _

"I gotta go, Soda. I'm sorry. Tell Darry I said bye," I said, and reluctantly hung up the phone before my brother could say anything else. I looked at the ground because I didn't dare to meet her eyes. I felt ashamed for betraying her rules, and scared of what might happen to me because of that. Never did I want to meet the bad side of Lanie.

The forty year old let out a sigh before she spoke. "Take a seat Ponyboy."

I gulped before obeying her command. I felt like a puppy who went against its master and knew punishment was coming. I kept my head down low, still preventing myself from looking into her eyes.

She did the same thing, and took her place at the kitchen table. She folded her hands on the tabletop and was quiet for a couple of minutes. It was probably the most annoying silence I had ever experienced. I just wanted to get whatever was coming to me over with so we could just move on and forget about what I did.

"You know, Ponyboy," she finally spoke. "That nightmare you had last night, you don't need to feel embarrassed about it. They're very common in your age, and given the circumstances… I would be surprised if you walked into my house without any trouble, such as what happened last night. Do you want to talk about it?"

If I didn't mention before, Lanie was a therapist. She helped people deal with their problems and I always tried to prevent her trying to talk to me about mine, but I guess that was another bullet I could not dodge.

"I don't remember it. I never remember any nightmares, except one."

"Then tell me about that one, I could help you."

I shook my head. "I had another one last night after you woke me up. I saw my brothers, they were really worried about me. They were upset that I never called to tell them I was alright."

Lanie let out another sigh. "So you go against what I told you because of a dream? Dreams can feel real, and true, but it's just your subconscious telling you things to worry you, scare you, make you happy, upset-the list goes on. What goes on in your dreams aren't real, and most likely never will be. It's best to forget about what occurred in them and move on."

I shook my head, trying to change the subject off of nightmares. "I miss my brothers though. Why won't you let me talk to them?"

"It's not that I'm trying to be mean by not allowing you to speak to your family. Family's important, but I am not the person to give you permission to speak to them or not, it's up to Social Services, and they didn't say anything about you being allowed to have communication with them. If I get caught breaking the rules I'm under, you could get put into another house.

"I know there are a bunch of great foster homes out there, and I hope I am one of them, but there are a bunch of bad homes too. I don't think you'd want to get put into one of them, do you?"

"I guess not, but-"

She cut me off. "That's what I thought. I will try to get ahold of your social worker sometime today. If it's alright with her, I will allow you to call them once a week, but I will have to be in the room. There was a reason you were taken out of your home, and I don't want something to happen to you."

I sighed and nodded. I guess it was fair. I'd rather have one supervised call a week than no communication at all.

"Alright, what would you like for breakfast?"

* * *

_**So if any of you were confused, the ending of chapter four, and the beginning of this chapter was a dream. Pony never actually woke up after he fell asleep after the first nightmare. So that last section was the start of his nightmare. If I told you guys the ending was a dream last update than that would completely ruin this chapter. Sorry, I had too. When writing in first person, the narrator can be misleading at times, such as when having an hallucination, a dream, or whatever other reason. It's up to the readers to figure it out on their own if it's misleading.**_

_**Please do review. It really does motivate me, and if any of you were wondering, yes, I am most likely to continue. But if you guys don't review, I just might stop updating out of the blue... humph... think about it, reviewing could benefit each and everyone of you who likes this story...**_

_**-Michelle Loves Chocolate 99**_


	6. Finals

_**So This Is It**_

**Chapter Six**

"Hey Ponyboy!"

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. That was the last thing I wanted today; company. It was the last week of school before winter break, finals were tomorrow and all I wanted to do was study. Darry would kill me if I didn't do well, even though he couldn't see my grades. Eating my lunch with people who are sort of my friends was something I didn't want today, but of course I couldn't ignore their call.

Jared sort of befriended me, and becoming friends with Jared meant also becoming friends with Jared's friends. I didn't have anything against these guys if that's what you're thinking. Yeah, they are my friends, but they're _school _friends, not real friends. I'd rather be with Two-Bit or Steve sitting somewhere other than a school cafeteria, but some schools are different than other schools.

I took the only vacant seat at the table, shoving my lunch tray between the two people around me, though I didn't say a word. I've always been quiet, and even though I'm well acquainted with these people I'm sitting with, I'm not comfortable. So while they talk around me, I sit and listen and laugh when things are funny, and when they are funny, it's never as funny as the things that happened back in Tulsa because Two-Bit's the funniest guy I know.

Sitting at this table just makes me feel out of place, I feel awkward and nervous. I don't belong here in Owasso, it's not my home and never will be. I have to keep reminding myself that it's just temporary and soon I'd be back at my old school, in my neighborhood, in my home, with my family. Sometimes though it's hard to believe that. Being here, it's like a nightmare that I can never escape from, and saying that everything will be alright, I feel like I'm lying to myself. I know I am lying to myself just to make me feel better, to give me the hope that doesn't lie inside of me like it did a month ago.

"Ponyboy!" The voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "What'cha doin' over the holiday break?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I honestly didn't know, different families have different traditions and I was new to Lanie's family. I didn't even know much about her family in the first place. Everyone else at this table was going somewhere out of town, visiting family or just on a family vacation and I wasn't even going to get to see my family even though I haven't seen them in a month.

"Well that sucks," Jared said after taking a drink. "You ain't visiting that family of yours? They don't live that far from here, right?"

"They don't, but it's not up to me if I get to see them or not. It's social services."

"How'd ya even end up in foster care anyway?" Jared asked and suddenly the bell rang. Talk about being saved by the bell!

I got up and put my tray in the correct place and hurried out of there. I never like talking about why I'm here, even thinking about it. All it does is remind me even more about being separated from my family. The past month I pretty much done nothing but mope around and feel sorry for myself. It may sound pathetic, but I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do. Lanie allows me a phone call to home once a week, which is every Saturday, so I guess things could be worse and not have contact at all, but it's not enough.

It _never_ will be enough for me.

oOo

School pretty much went on as usual, but my day didn't go wrong until I got to the house. When I entered, it didn't feel right. Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt like something is wrong, like in horror movies. While you watch, you want to yell at the character who's stupid and looks around and all you do is yell at them to leave, that's what it felt like when I walked into Lanie's house, except the fact that this wasn't some TV show.

I found Lanie sitting in the kitchen, quiet and staring down at a piece of paper that laid on top of the table. She looked up after a few moments after she realized I was standing in the doorway.

"Ponyboy!" She jumped in her chair, folding up the paper she was looking at before quickly stuffing it into an envelope. "H-how was school?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Alright. Lanie are you okay?"

The blonde nodded as she stood up. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Um, Ponyboy, you wouldn't mind having left overs tonight, would you? I got a lot of things to do for work and-"

"Yeah, it's fine."

And it really was. We had leftover nights all the time before and after my parents died. Golly, that seems so long ago, but it was only nearly a year. I wish they never went out that night. I wish I was still home, that Soda never dropped out of high school to work full time, that Darry could go to college. Maybe Darry could go to college now with me not being in the way...

I shook myself out of my thoughts as Lanie began to leave the room. "Lanie, is everything okay?"

She stopped in her tracks and let out a sigh before turning around. "Guess you're not letting me get away with anything, aren't you?"

She pulled out the chair she was sitting in earlier and let out another sigh. "I never told you this, but my son, he's not here." Her eyes went to the table as I just sat there confused while playing with my backpack strap.

"Not here here, but he got drafted about six months ago. He dropped out of school, I didn't want him to, but he wouldn't listen to me, he never listened to me after my husband died, so since he didn't even finish high school, meant he was never in college so that just made everything easier for them to draft him." She shook her head. "The first thing he said to me was that I should tell him 'I told you so.' Of course I had no idea what he was talking about when he said that but after he told me, I never said it. He regrets never listening to me and going against me when he was a kid.

"Well I got this letter the second I got here, the first thing I thought was that he was dead, but I guess this is much worse than dead could ever be. Erick being MIA-it's hard to believe a boy like him could actually get lost, but he is…"

"Lanie, I'm sorry."

Lanie just shook her head, and stood back up. "It's alright. It's my family problem, nothing you should worry about. They'll find him. I know it. Now, you got big test tomorrow, I don't want to waste your time that you should be studying, so get to work!"

And with that, Lanie left the kitchen, and I dug into my bag, pulled out a book and opened it to a random page in the middle, but I couldn't tell you what was on my page, because my mind went to Soda. Erick reminded me about my brother, about how he dropped out. What if the same thing happens to Soda? If Soda went into the war I don't know what I would do. Cry that's for sure, but what if Soda never came back? He just turned seventeen a few months ago, they can't take him now, but next year he'll be eligible.

I let out a breath of air I've been holding for a long time. I felt bad for Lanie and because of that, I felt awful. Until now, all I have been doing was feel sorry for myself, thinking everything bad had happened to me. It was like I forgot other people had problems-that things were rough all over. I knew that, but since I left home it seems that I left everything behind there, including my head.

I rubbed my temples and shook my head. I could not study with all that on my mind. I stood up and walked out of the house. I didn't know where I was headed, or why I was even doing this but I just walked out and ran.

I didn't have a jacket on but I did not mind. My feet pounded against the sidewalk like a drum and the motion kept me warm in the December air. I just kept running and running until I didn't know where I was, and then I just sat down on the curb. I sort of felt like those homeless people you'd see along the roads with signs asking for food, but I did not have a sign, but I felt like every driver that drove passed looked at me as if I did. I sat there for a while, listening to the cars pass by until I noticed them get fewer and fewer meaning rush hour was over and it was getting late. That's when I stood up and walked back in the direction I came from.

I don't think Lanie noticed my absence, but when I got back, I sat back down at the kitchen table and tried to study. My mind was a million times clearer than it was when I sat here a few hours earlier, but it was still buzzing about the news Lanie gave to me. I couldn't do anything for her that I knew of, and that's what bothered me the most. I didn't even know Erick, in fact I didn't know her son's name until now, but despite that, I wished he was okay. Lanie was a great person, and someone like that doesn't deserve this. She already lost her husband, it would be tragic if she lost her only son too. If Erick is dead, it would all be because of a stupid war too, I guess though dying a hero is the best way to go out. That's how Johnny died, a hero. I've lost more than Lanie has, but Lanie's almost lost everything, maybe that's why she choose to become a foster parent.

I stuffed my books into my backpack. It was a mess and I did a awful job at studying but I didn't care. I couldn't concentrate at all. I guess I would just have to hope and pray to God and cross my fingers that tomorrow will be okay.

Without even eating dinner, I filled up a glass of water from the sink, and headed upstairs into my room, or well what I suppose used to be Erick's old room. I took a gulp from the glass before setting it onto the nightstand and climbing into the bed not bothering to change. It was just a careless night for me I guess, I was just too out of it and my head was a long ways away from where I was. Pulling the covers over my body, I closed my eyes, trying to escape the world's problem's just for a few hours since I couldn't hide from them forever.

* * *

**Hey guys, sorry it's about a week longer than I wanted to update, things just been crazy and well yeah, sorry. My mind has kind of been like Ponyboy's in this chapter-not able to focus. So yeah, because of that I know this isn't the best chapter but it was necessary leading on to chapter seven. Again sorry about the wait, hopefully I can get my act together and focus better.**

**Please don't forget to leave a review!**

**-Michelle Loves Chocolate 99**


	7. The Millers

_**So This Is It**_

**Chapter Seven**

I sighed and stared out the window as the car back out of the driveway. It was happening again. I only lived at Lanie's house for just five or six weeks, and I was getting used to not being at home. I got used to remembering which kitchen drawer contained the silverware and which cabinet the plates went. I never really liked having to relearn stuff like that, but now that I gotten used to where everything went and became comfortable in that home, I'm gone.

I understood why I was leaving though. Lanie's son, Erick, they found him and he was badly injured. He is coming back home in a few days when he did come back he was going to need Lanie's full attention because of his condition. I really did understand that, but I didn't like it. I didn't want to leave, not unless I was going back home to my brothers. This whole thing was bittersweet, I guess. Lanie was getting her son back, he was alive and that's what I wanted for her, but at the same time I never wanted to leave.

Yet, it's a week before Christmas and I'm headed to a house not far from here so I could attend the same school next semester, at least something isn't changing. Ms. Dailey told me about the Millers yesterday when she came by to discuss things with Lanie, have her sign papers and such. Nice, little foster family with already two kids like me, there's a younger girl and an older guy. She said Mr. and Mrs. Miller couldn't have kids and that this was the next best thing. I personally always thought adoption was the next best thing.

I watched houses pass by and not even ten minutes later Ms. Dailey stopped the car in front of a light blue home, a little bit bigger than Lanie's. My heart beated against my chest as if it was trying to escape. I let out a breath, trying to calm myself down. It didn't work. I grabbed my backpack. I had two, but one was slightly bigger than the other so I stuffed on inside the other to make it easier on me. I swung the bag over my shoulder and squeezed onto the strap, but the moment I stepped out of the car, I didn't let my social worker take a step.

"Ms. Dailey?" I said softly, but audible. The lady turned around and looked at me, seeming slightly impatient and in a hurry, and I felt even more nervous and became suddenly shy, but I had to ask no matter what. "Christmas is coming up and I was wondering if I could see- see my family. It wouldn't be Christmas without them."

She let out a sigh. "It's a possibility," she said and I felt a spark light up inside me. "It could happen, but it would have to be okay with the Millers and your family as well, though your brother had called me a couple times already about it. Mrs. Johnson was going to surprise you but since upcoming events… I will discuss it with the Millers, but not tonight. I think it is best for you to settle in first."

I let out a sigh, and nodded my head. It was worth a try. I just hope the Millers are as nice as Ms. Dailey says they are and if they are, I will get to see my family again. It's strange to think of it just as visiting, but hey, it's at least somethin'. Seeing them is better than not seeing them even if it's just for a little bit, and not forever like I'd prefer. The hope that I could see my family for the holiday also made me more confident to go up to that door and meet this family. I needed to make a good impression and hopefully they'll allow me to go.

Ms. Dailey knocked on the door, and I pulled on my straps, squeezing them harder. I still was nervous about living with complete strangers, and when the door opened about a minute and a half later, I think my heart stopped for a second and I held my breath in.

"Aw, Ms. Dailey! It's good to see you," joyfully said a tall man with messy brown hair. He shook my social worker's hand and went after mine, I reluctantly took it and forced a smile on my face as I finally began to breathe again.

"You must be Ponyboy," a woman said as she appeared in the doorway, wiping her dirty hands on her apron. "You two got here right on time, dinner's almost ready."

Ms. Dailey shook her head as the two of us walked inside into the living room. There was a fire place on the other end of the room, keeping it more than toasty, and I felt hot under my winter jacket. "I won't be staying that long. I just need you two to sign one more paper today and I'll be on my way."

Mr. Miller took the paper the social worker handed to him, quickly glancing at it before scribbling down his signature. He then handed it over to his wife who quickly did the same thing. Ms. Dailey gave a quick smile of satisfaction while reading over the names.

"Great! I'll stop by soon to check up on things. If you need anything, just call me." With that, Ms. Dailey had left the house, leaving me once again in an unfamiliar house with unfamiliar people. Right now, I felt like running all the way back to Lanie's, or even better, home.

"Well Ponyboy, I hope you like baked chicken," Mrs. Miller said gently. "It should be ready in a few minutes. My husband will take you to your room until then, alright?"

Nervously, I nodded my head and held my breath in for a few seconds before gently releasing it. I just felt so shy and insecure at that moment. I felt like a kindergartner on their first day of school, having your parents drop you off and leave you in a room of other people you never met or seen before, it's scary and uncomfortable. Being in the house without anyone I seen or talked to before was scary and uncomfortable.

Mr. Miller waved his hand. "C'mon Ponyboy."

I gulped and followed him, trying to get over the insecure feeling, reminding myself to breathe in and out and put on foot in front of the other when I walked.

"You'll be sharing a room with Jason. He's sixteen, so there's not that much of an age difference between the two of you. He's not here right now though, he's out with friends. He'll be back in about an hour or so. And Ellie, she's across the hall, with her, there is an age difference, she's seven years old so be a good role model. She's a good kid and I'd like her to stay that way, alright?"

I nodded my head as he opened a door to a medium sized bedroom, but the fact that there were twin sized beds inside made it look a lot smaller than it really was. There was a desk separating the two beds, or perhaps dividing the room into twos.

"That bed is yours." Mr. Miller pointed to the bed right next to the door. I nodded again and set my bag on top of it, feeling awkward and weird. I felt just like a stranger, heck, I was a stranger, but I felt even more out of place than I did when I first walked into the boys home, when I met Lanie. I don't know, there's just something about this place that didn't seem right. It felt bizarre. Maybe it was because Mr. Miller looked taller and stronger than Darry, maybe it was because this place seems less empty than Lanie's home. I just don't know.

"I'll let you unpack, but when you're done, please come down for dinner."

When he left, I did what I was told. I went to the dresser and found that half of the drawers were empty while the other half were full of someone else's things which I assumed belonged to Jason's. I quickly stuffed the vacant drawers until nothing was left in my backpack, and then I slid both the bags under my bed.

I didn't want to go leave the room, but the last thing I wanted to do was defy orders and go against Mr. Miller during my first twenty minutes of living here. I wanted to make a good impression on these people because I wanted to go see my brothers. It's been ages since I last saw them, I feel like I'll die if I go another couple days without them. Phone calls help, but I feel like if I go any longer I'll forget what they look like.

I attempted to make my way back to the living room without getting lost, and Mrs. Miller was just finishing up putting dinner on the table. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Just in time, Ponyboy. Take a seat, we'll pray in a second."

We never prayed at my house. We weren't super religious people, sure my mother was a Christian and we went to church as a family every so often and I went with Johnny a couple times after my mom and dad died, but we never prayed before we ate. I never even done it at Lanie's either.

Mr. Miller sat down next to me while his wife went to the back door calling someone in. A young girl with bleach blonde curls came in and a dog tromped in behind her with his tail pointed straight up, both covered in a thin layer of white, sparkly dust.

"Take those wet clothes off, Ellie," Mr. Miller said. "I don't want mud in the house."

The little girl nodded taking off her coat and sweatpants that were covered with snow, then joined us at the table. Mr. and Mrs. Miller grabbed each other's hands and Ellie did the same by taking Mrs. Miller's hand and reaching out for mine. This wasn't a normal thing for me, but I tried to pretend like I knew what I was doing and took Ellie's hand and then Mr. Miller's just shortly before he began the prayer.

After that, we ate. I barely ate much though, I was so nervous. The other three talked, while I just felt out of place. I was out of place. They didn't avoid me though, but I wish they did. They asked me questions trying to get to know me, and went through the rules of their house.

"I used to have a pony," Ellie said randomly. "But it was only stuffed and she was a girl. I bet you love ponies!"

I shook my head. I never really cared about horses, it was just a coincidence that it was part of my name. My dad was a creative person. "Not really, but my brother loves them."

"Jase said his daddy used to ride in rodeos! He also owned a couple of ponies! I wish I had a horse."

"We have a dog the size of a horse, Ellie," said Mrs. Miller as she began collecting plates.

"No, horses are a lot bigger than Max! If you tried to ride him, you'd squish him!"

Mrs. Miller rolled her eyes. "Anyways Ellie, bath then bed, you know the drill."

The little girl gave a sigh and then jumped off of the chair, running off. I sat there for a few moments before heading off to my room and sighed. I feel like this is just the beginning of a very long chapter of my life. It all started the day I went to the boys home, but that seems like forever ago.

I plopped onto my bed, gently bouncing back up from the mattress and I stared at the ceiling. I closed my eyes, for a second then opened them back up. I thought about home, about life before my parents died, how great it was, and life after they died, which was still great until after Johnny and Dallas died. I let out another sigh, tears forming in my eyes as I remembered all the deaths that happened all within the same year. Dally's words ran through my mind, repeating over and over like a broken record player. _"You get tough like me and you don't get hurt. You look out for yourself and nothin' can touch you." _

Dally's right. I can't let social services get to me and I won't. I wiped the tears away and sat up a little bit straighter. Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

**_Hey guys, so the next couple weeks, I may not update as often as I would like. So probably like a two-three week wait. Schools starts in a few weeks, and so do other things going on with me too. This summer has just been crazy for me. So please do be patient with me, because I also need to sit down and plan out this story more because everything I had planned so far I'm about caught up too since I've been too busy to sit down and do more planning. So please don't freak out if it takes a couple weeks for me to get an update, I mean hey, at least it's better than those "once every three months writers," right? _**

**_-Michelle Loves Chocolate 99_**


	8. Distraction

_**So This Is It**_

**Chapter Eight**

The tears in his eyes were unmistakable. Standing in front of me was a man who I've only seen cry only a handful of times, and it was crushing, completely crushing. Tears developed in my own eyes seeing him in front of me. I've missed him so much and what I really wanted to do was hug him, but despite the fact that he was five feet in front of me, I felt like as if there was some sort of bubble preventing me from getting too close, like a wall dividing us. I somehow could not reach him.

"Darry…" My voice trailed off as I gently closed my eyes only to opened them a few moments later. My brother was right next to me, closer than I have been to him since the day I left my house, but it wasn't close enough. I felt that even though he was standing right in front of me, it instead was a million miles apart. Everyday I felt like my brothers lived in Tulsa while I was on the opposite side of the world, or perhaps another planet, maybe I was.

"Darry, just say something. Please, anything," I choked, obviously failing at trying to stay strong. All I wanted was to hear his voice, have him say something, like yell at me for doing something stupid, or forgetting to do something most people don't forget, or for getting a B- on my geometry test because I didn't study hard enough. I'd kill to have Darry yell at me for being irresponsible but I got no response from him. I felt the tears drip off my face and onto the floor as I stood there begging to my brother to speak to me.

His once icy eyes were melted and sad, and that just made me want to cry even more. "Pony," he gently whispered my name. "I'm sorry, Ponyboy."

I shook my head. There was nothing to be sorry about, and Darry had to know that, but before I could speak, I felt the hallway we stood in suddenly stretch out longer into a tunnel, and Darry just kept getting farther down the aisle. I began to run, trying my best to catch up to my brother, but it was as if I was running on a treadmill because no matter how hard I tried I ended up in the same place. My brother was unreachable at the other end and that killed me.

"DARRY!" I screamed down the hallway, falling to my knees, while my tears flowed out of my eyes like a waterfall. It hurt so much, the pain of being separated from the only family I got left was unbearable. I just couldn't help but break down then and there. I was so close to my brother, but yet so far. Without him and Soda, my life was just spiraling out of my control, destroying myself like a tornado destroys a town. I was a mess, a huge mess and I cried harder than I had ever cried before right then. I was alone, and that's what hurt the most about this. At least Darry and Soda had each other, I had nobody.

"DARRY!" I cried again then soon felt something hit me in my face. I closed my eyes as I wrapped my arms around the soft object when I opened them, it was dark, pitch dark. I removed the pillow from my face as I became clear of my surroundings. I wasn't in a tunnel anymore, I was in a bedroom.

"Do you always make this much ruckus when you sleep?" Jason's voice was very annoyed and tired as he complained. I let out a sigh, tossing the pillow across the room on to his bed. He wasn't the kindest guy, heck he wasn't even kind. He made sure that the two and a half weeks I lived here were hell.

"I'm sorry." I rolled over onto my other side and faced the wall, tears still rolling down my cheeks the same way the were in my dream, or well nightmare. I couldn't believe that it was Darry's birthday today and I'm not going to be there. I'm not allowed to call either and it just breaks my heart. They know that I was moving to a new foster home, but they haven't heard from me since I got here and I don't know what's going through their minds. I can't stand it anymore. I'm going to go crazy, heck, I've already gone crazy. It just don't feel right not being with your family, not allowed to have any sort of communication with them.

The Millers, they're nice people, but I don't like them. They think that being able to see my family is bad for me. I don't understand why, I think it's unhealthy for me not to see them. And Jason, well, living with him is like living with the devil. All he does is push around and bully me and seven year old Ellie. Ellie's probably the only person I like in this house. I'm not a fan of little kids, but when you are forced to live with them it kinda grows on ya. The past couple days I've learned that Ellie's father is deceased and her mother is currently ill in the hospital and is unable to care for her daughter at the moment, however Ellie's allowed to visit her in the hospital once a week. Mrs. Miller said it was because as soon as Ellie's mom had fully recovered and got back to work Ellie would go home. I guess she doesn't think Darry will ever get custody back, and as every day slowly passes, I've started believing it each day. I don't want to believe it, but I just do. I can't help it.

I curl into a little ball, trying to imagine myself in my own bed at home as I close my eyes. I picture Soda lying beside me and hear trains rolling in the background. It's home, where you always feel safe and loved no matter what. I haven't felt that way and a long time, but pretending I was somewhere I wasn't just made me feel happy, healthier, even though it was just for a moment. Just for a moment I was home and free and I felt myself drift back to sleep.

oOo

When morning arrived, I didn't want to get out of bed. I'd rather lay around all day, but I couldn't. I had to go to school and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I never was one to really love school, nor did I ever hate it, but some days I'm just in a mood that all I want to do is lay down and stare at the ceiling, wall, or whatever. Just be able to push all the your problems and worries to the side and lock them up in a tiny, little box and completely forget about them. If I was at Lanie's, she'd let me stay home. I'd tell her about my dream and she'd send me back to bed to make up for the hours I stayed up after I had woken up from my nightmare. However, this place was not Lanie's.

I closed my eyes for a moment or two before I reluctantly got out of bed. I grabbed a random shirt and some jeans from my dresser and began to get ready. When I was almost done and just putting my homework I did last night into my backpack I looked over at Jason, who was still sleeping in bed. I had to keep reminding myself not to wake him up even though if he didn't get up now he was going to be late no matter what. Jason didn't care about school at all, in fact hated every bit of it. I guess I understand why.

Since I was running late myself, I did not have time for breakfast, so I quickly ran into the kitchen and grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl and began my way out the door only to get stopped.

"Ponyboy," Mrs. Miller called from the kitchen. I sighed before turning around and walking back into the kitchen where Mrs. Miller was cleaning up the breakfast I missed out on, not that I wanted it anyways.

"Ellie's going over to her friend Katy's house until six I'm working late to night and so is my husband and I don't want Ellie walking home by herself in the dark."

I nodded my head, even though Mrs. Miller didn't work, she often volunteered at the hospital on weeknights. "Yeah, sure."

"Thank you, Ponyboy. Now you better hurry up before you miss that bus!"

I quickly spun back around and practically ran out the front door to the bus stop barely making it on time. The ride was long and boring and all I could think about was how today was Darry's birthday and that was the last thing I wanted to do. As much as I love my family, I don't want to think about them if I'm not allowed to see them. It only reminds me of how much I miss them and makes me miss them even more as well, but none of my friends ride this bus so I'm kind of alone with nothing to distract my mind. Even though I don't like homework, I hope I get a lot tonight to keep my mind off of them, I'd do anything right now to take my mind off of my brothers and home.

When I got to school, I saw Jared and his buddies standing outside as if they were waiting for me or somethin'. They spotted me getting off the school bus, and began to approach me. Jared gave me a mischievous grin and I was more confused than ever.

"What's up?"

"We're ditching, that's what's up," said Carter, who was part of the little group I sort of became apart of. "Care to join, Ponyboy?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I had a history test today, I didn't exactly want to miss it. "I dunno-"

"Aw, c'mon. It ain't that big of a deal. Don'tcha ever have fun in your life?"Jared teased and I looked at him for a moment. Jared blown off school all the time, so did Carter, Alex, and Andrew. Dally, Soda, Steve and Two-Bit did it a lot back home too, maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. To me though, it was. Darry wouldn't like it, heck if Darry ever found out, being in his care or not, he would have a cow and ground me probably, but Darry wasn't here, and I needed something to take my mind off of him anyways, so maybe playing hooky was the answer I was searching for, maybe not the best answer but it was one.

I gave them a mischievous smirk. "Heck, I live for things like this."

The gang smiled. "Then let's get hell outta here!"

Little did I know this wasn't the answer to my problems. It perhaps was one of the big mistakes of my life.

* * *

**Hope I didn't make you wait too long... Please do take one minute of your life, if not less and leave a review. Encouragement helps, like a lot, and that's something I really need if I am going to get this story to its ending, so please just leave a review tell me if you hate it, love it, give me tips and advice anything is opened. I could really use the support. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, I usually thank you all though PM but some people I can't do that with, so thanks so much!**

**Also the rest of this month and September are going to probably be very crazy for me, so please be patient with me these next couple weeks. I know I'm a little bit behind with updates than I wanted to be at this point of time but just keep being patient. Thanks!(:**

**-MLC 99**


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